This is one of my favourite topics, and also one of the hardest. I was at an event recently where the speaker shared that when her mother was growing up, boundaries weren't even in the vocabulary. It wasn't a thing people discussed. So when we start talking about setting boundaries, and sometimes that means saying no, it helps to acknowledge that this can feel genuinely uncomfortable, because for many of us it's new. We may be setting boundaries with people who don't have much practice receiving them, and that adds its own challenge.

The reframe

When we go back to the foundation of self-care, one of the most important pieces is prioritizing our own health and wellbeing. And we all know we cannot do everything at once, as much as we'd love to. So sometimes we have to learn to say no.

Here's the reframe I want to offer. When you say no to something that doesn't excite you, doesn't light you up, gives you that "ugh" feeling, the thing you'd only agree to out of guilt or obligation, you're actually clearing the slate. You're opening up space, time, and energy to say yes to the things you feel genuinely excited about.

Boundaries are like going to the gym

So much of this reset is like going to the gym, and boundaries especially. Go to the gym once and you'll feel a bit sore and get almost no lasting benefit. The only way to get stronger is to go consistently. And when you do, you start your bicep curls at five pounds, then move to seven, then ten, because the muscle builds capacity.

Boundaries are no different. Say no once and it might feel as uncomfortable as that first sore day at the gym. But keep setting boundaries in ways that support you, and your boundary muscle gets stronger, and it gets easier.

You don't owe an explanation

One of the most important things as we start: an explanation usually isn't needed. Sometimes we want to explain why we're prioritizing our time or energy, and that's fine. But we don't need to justify our choices. Because when we over-justify, it creates a loop of guilt and shame around the boundary itself. You are allowed to set boundaries that protect your health, your wellbeing, and your self-care, so that you can show up better for the people and things you actually want your energy to go to.

Your practice

Look at your day and your upcoming schedule for something you feel "ick" about, something you don't actually have to do, and set a boundary there. And boundaries aren't only about work. It might be telling your partner you're going to sleep because you're tired while they stay up for another episode. You are not obliged to stay up half-asleep through a show. Prioritizing your rest is a boundary too.

Boundaries are one of the foundational self-care practices inside my Energy Shift program. Start it here for $22.